I would like to think, I have my life together right now. But that would be a lie, not only to myself but those around me. I like to pretend I have everything together, but that’s also a lie. Life is just happening around me and I am stuck. Not sure exactly what I’m stuck at or doing, but I am not moving forward nor moving backwards. I am just at a standstill watching life past me by. These are the thoughts I have in the wee hours, so what better to make these #LateNightThoughts.
As you can see, I’ve had 3 blog changes lately. I was fine at blog.nataliemadeit.com then went to nataliemadeit.com, to make life easy, I put the design blog & actual blog together into one. That weekend, BlueHost just stop working, they wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, I knew I wasn’t alone because other people on Twitter had a problem and they wouldn’t admit there was an actual server problem. So I gave up and set up this domain on GoDaddy. Little did I know it would be a royal pain to move the post & images. Like they don’t want to. Which is really a pain in the buns when it comes to my 633 blog posts. (Yea, I got a lot of posts over the last 3 years). So while I am trying to get this back together.
I am still looking for jobs, they just suck around here. I’ve applied at every place I can, I’ve even applied at all the local fast food places, still nothing. What am I suppose to do? I really wanted my life together by now. I wanted a job, a home, a car and have everything together when I get the kids in June. Here I sit at 6 am, because my body clock is totally NOT my friend right now and I am typing this blog post. After spending most of the night fixing pictures in the blog posts and setting up the shop again.
I wish my online graphic and web graphic shop would just pick up, then I don’t have to relay on a job outside the home. I can work at the house and do what I love to do. I wish the companies around here that have to do with graphic design didn’t require degrees. As I stand here at this standstill, at this season that God put before me, I am not sure what I am suppose to gain from this. But I put my faith in him, that all of this will work out in the end.
I’ve been up since midnight and it’s now 6:22 am – I’ve had this migraine for 5 days now. Today is Thursday, I am suppose to get my kids for Spring Break on the 2nd of April until the 10th. I haven’t had them since a 4 day in January. I miss them so much. I can’t begin to tell you the heartache and pain I feel from being away from my kids for this long. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year. All this pain is almost over, all this heartache and pain will be over soon. I will be able to look back on this one day. I am stronger than I was then, I will be strong when this is all over.
I can’t wait to start over my life with my kids, I can’t wait to do all the things I always overlooked, the things I always put off. They’re my #1 and I can’t wait to share what I’ve learned with them. I can’t wait to teach them about God’s love and his forgiveness for his children. More crafts and fun times, more road trips and love. Until then, I live for these few days I get with them on these breaks. I live for the cuddles and the story time before bed. I love them more than they will ever know.
Now as I sit here wiping away my tears, I should really go to bed as I got a lot to do today.