I’ve been “single” for 5 months now. 5 months may not seem like a long time, but that’s 5 months of being alone a lot. Depressing right? haha. Not that there’s a problem with being single nor do I really want to be with someone emotionally. It’s more of that getting used to having someone around all the time, someone to talk to, someone to hangout with, someone to just be there when you need them. When all of that is no longer there. You have to do everything different. You have to learn to love yourself, you have to learn to do the things you did before, except with yourself. You have to find the happiness and love with yourself, before you can give it to someone else. You have to be happy with yourself before just throwing yourself at another person. Have your life together and all that other junk. However with all this “free time” I have on my hands, I’ve caught myself watching a lot more Netflix now. I sure get my money’s worth in movies and tv shows that I watch… that I binge on… like how I watched all 4 seasons of Raising Hope in 4 days. One second, it’s 7pm and the next time I look at the clock it’s like 4am.
Now so I don’t like a completely lazy bum, I also try to catch up on blog stuff. Like now I’m writing this post and watching “The Fall” haha. Seriously though, last night I was able to get a product review posted. I have some other reviews to get posted as well as some wishlist post I want to get posted. Seriously besides those two things, I really don’t do much of anything else. I mean sometimes I go hangout with my sister and her kids, but not as much as I did over winter vacation, which was fun. I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t have a car and really can’t get around. I think if I had at least that I wouldn’t be as alone and bored. But it is what it is right now. When I move to NC, life as a whole will be better. I’ll be getting a job, a car, a nice place to live. But until June, I will continue to do the whole netflixing and blogging life.
Tried the whole dating apps like Tinder and all those stupid dating sites. They aren’t what they used to be. It’s just a ungodly amount of men just wanting one thing and one thing alone. Or the kids who just want to talk to you because they want or need something. But when you message them, they’re “too busy” or flat out ignore you. Yea, I got tired of getting ignored. That’s not a relationship I want again or a friendship. That’s crap. So I just deleted them all. Being single wouldn’t such as much if you had people to hangout with. It’s like when you’re not alone, you remember that there’s more to life than binging on Netflix for 13 hours in a row, or that there is happiness in the world. But when you’re alone, like at night before bed, that’s when it’s the worst. Some nights are worst than others. I guess that’s why my insomnia is sometime the worst. But other nights, I try to play my apps before bed, so I do that til I can’t keep my eyes open and fall asleep, so I don’t have about to think about the fact that I’m alone. Does that make sense? weird I know. I’m in a better place than I was 5 months ago, I know that at least, I didn’t think I would be, given what I had to go through, AGAIN.. I’m happy of myself. I don’t know how much of a “single girl confessions” this really is, but it feels good to get it off my chest if nothing else.
Hey! I’m Natalie and I live in North Carolina. I’m a single mama of four awesome kiddos. These are my thoughts on life, motherhood, fitness and everything in between.